Older, Wiser, Single & Dating: Need to know!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

What is the definition of “older?” If you are a woman, it can mean past the age of recommended child-bearing. If you are a man, you may feel it is the strike of the “mid-life crisis.” In the U.S., baby boomers are considered “old.” So, at what age is old? It may be that it is an event of the mind, body or both. Mark Twain said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Or, you can look at it like George Burns did: “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get (be) old.”

If you have found yourself at this place in life and that you are single for whatever the reason, you may be struggling with how to get back into the dating scene, but have a 20-year old memory of how it was then. Fast forward the flashback into the present and soak up some simple and very important tips for sliding into dating today with ease using the following tips:

  1. “Do what you love and the love will come.” I read this quote in an article by Mike Harden (2004) and immediately thought this is the first and most important thing to remember when jumping into the dating arena. You may have also heard the saying that when you are not looking for love, it will find you. What do we come up with when we combine these two things? Essentially, get out there and do things you love to do such as biking, hiking, bowling, etc… Go with friends, go with a group, or just go by yourself! Live and love life by engaging in activity of any kind and you could very well find that person with whom you want to share the wiser part, next chapter of your life!
  2. Walk in the other person’s shoes. Leave your emotional baggage at home. When you’re out there doing what you love and you meet someone you connect with, think about what stories and conversation you would prefer to listen to. If you don’t want to hear about exes and heartaches, bad times and woes, then don’t voice them yourself! Talk about and DO fun things!
  3. Be Positive! Laugh, flirt, and enjoy yourself! No one likes a downer and a frowner! Plaster your refrigerator with upbeat and uplifting phrases and words! Think like a kid again and see the world with new eyes!
  4. There is someone for everyone! There is this notion that there are no good single men or women out there. Not true! Of course, you won’t find that partner to share life with if you sit at home, confine yourself to your regular and “safe” outings, and be afraid to try something new and different! Get out of the house! Explore possibilities! Volunteer your time to a worthy or personal cause! That special someone is NOT going to magically appear on your doorstep!
  5. Move to a more populated area if you feel you don’t have enough opportunities to meet others in your present location. The U.S. Census Bureau says that people over 50 represent 27% of the US population and more than 50% of them live in these states: California, Texas, New York, Florida, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio, Michigan and New Jersey.
  6. If you use online dating sources, be careful! Check out resources on the internet about on line dating safety tips.
  7. Get an image makeover! Yes, this applies to women and men! Go to a professional stylist, salon, and/or image consultant and upgrade your style. I know, there is a part of you screaming, “S/he should like me the way I am! Why do I have to go through all that when it seems like I am trying to be someone I’m not!” Look at it this way, you are only enhancing what you have going for you! Working with these professionals will not change your core personality, but they can make you feel like a million bucks! Feeling like a million bucks gives you that extra boost of confidence. Having confidence makes it easier for you to attract that special person.
  8. Sometimes you have to go through a lot of fish in the sea to find the big tuna! Chances are you won’t find “The One” on the first try. Have patience and have a good idea about what you want and what you don’t want in a partner. Be honest with yourself about your wish list; be realistic and practical. If you’re using an on line dating site and looking at a potential date’s profile, remember that before you decide to give the thumbs up or down, it is important to have a conversation with them first. There is a balance between being too selective and settling for someone who really does not “fit” you.
  9. Decide what is important to you. It is a safe bet that at this point in your life (the wiser part) you are not overly concerned about the surface aspects and are more attuned to the internal side of someone such as their strength of character. It may be just as valuable to you that you have an easy companionship or level of comfort with each other. Knowing yourself and your relationship expectations will guide you to this essential decision.
  10. Put on your radar. Be present and aware. Listen to your gut and instincts. You will make a better decision about who you want to spend your time with and that is a priceless commodity

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Joann Ward has over 30 years of experience in the dating service industry. Along with her son, CEO Steve Ward they became internationally known as the Hosts and Executive Producers of VH1 Tough Love

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