Sex On The First Date

Saturday, December 06, 2014

Sex On The First Date

There have been countless surveys and studies published recently that are supposed to provide insights into love, dating and relationship in the digital age. Recently, famed love doctor Helen Fisher concluded that one out of five singles believe it’s either "somewhat appropriate" or "totally appropriate" to have sex on a first date. You may be one of those four-out-of-five today, but that one-out-of-five tomorrow because the same study also concluded that 31% of singles report having developed a relationship from what they thought was just going to be a one-night stand. All it takes is one extraordinary individual to change your point of view here.

Jumping into the sack has practically become a norm. It’s certainly a far cry from the taboo it used to be.  The risks however are very much the same. Your health and reputation are two of your most valuable assets and ones you should never gamble with them. All it takes is one bad beat to lose it all. 

If your intentions are to develop a relationship you should establish exclusivity before you sleep with someone. There is a distinct difference between exclusivity and commitment. Even though they both typically involve monogamy, a commitment involves much more. The premise of exclusivity is that the person you're being exclusive with isn't going to do anything behind your back and they aren't going to see anyone else without informed consent. This should give each of you a lot more breathing room and comfortability while strengthening your connection. When you're exclusive you're not necessarily meeting each other's friends and family just yet. You aren't making future plans and you aren't expecting the other person to put you or the connection before their own needs. When you make a commitment you invite the expectations of others on the two of you as as couple. You are now expected to be there for the other person and to put their needs and the needs of your relationship before your own. 

So if you do have sex on a first date and it was enjoyable enough to each want to do it again, you have the potential for a relationship. However, you have to establish exclusivity before hand or as soon thereafter as possible. The longer someone is free to casually sleep with you and others they are less and less likely they are to end up in a relationship with you. 

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Joann Ward has over 30 years of experience in the dating service industry. Along with her son, CEO Steve Ward they became internationally known as the Hosts and Executive Producers of VH1 Tough Love

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